Going Veg..!

By Robert Clements. Dated: 6/5/2020 12:57:03 AM

After reading a full page advertisement in yesterday’s newspaper, advising everybody to become vegetarians, my millionaire neighbour a diehard non- vegetarian decided he would become a veggie. “One might as well get used to something before it becomes a law and takes you by total surprise,” he said as he looked up a mango tree, “I have told my cook to cook those leaves for lunch!”
“That’s a mango tree,” I said, “You eat the fruit and not the leaves.”
“You can’t put those leaves into a curry?”
“Only raw mangoes,” I said, “you eat the ripe ones raw and cook the raw ones!”
My neighbour scratched his head and stared at the ripe mangoes on the tree. “What happens if I eat the leaves?”
“I don’t know,” I said.
“What happens if I ate the raw mangoes raw and put the ripe mangoes into a curry?”
“Doesn’t sound like a good idea!” I said. “What about cauliflower?” “What about it?” I asked.
“Do I eat it cooked or uncooked?”
“You can’t eat it uncooked,” I said disgustedly.
“I’m sorry I didn’t know,” said my neighbour, now beginning to look a little worried, “What about this fruit?”
“It’s a carrot,” I said, “it’s not a fruit it’s a root, which is eaten as a vegetable!” “A root eaten like a vegetable but not a vegetable?” asked my neighbour, “so it’s allowed isn’t it. I mean as a vegetarian I can eat it?”
“Sure you can,” I said patting him on the back.
“This vegetarianism business is going to be a long journey,” he said. “is it okay if I eat this vegetable?”
“It’s not a vegetable,” I said looking at the onion he was holding out to me.
“It’s a fruit?”
“No,” I said.
“Let me guess, it’s a root?”
“No,” I said, “it’s a bulb!”
“A bulb,” said my neighbour throwing the onion away, “heck, I don’t want to get electrocuted chewing a bulb! I thought being a vegetarian was safe?”
“It’s supposed to be,” I said.
“And do you eat the bulb cooked?”
“Coked or raw,” I said patiently.
“I think I need expert advice before I get into this vegetarian business!”
“I agree,” I said as I watched him go to his phone.
“Who are you calling?” I asked.
“The newspaper. I want to put a full page also!” said my millionaire neighbour. “Saying what?” I asked.
“Saying that this is a free country, so please leave people alone with their eating habits, they are used to, and…”
“And what?” I asked.
“To also leave people alone, the way they want to worship, the way they want to live, and the way they want to be, otherwise we all may end up eating leaves while the fruit of our beautiful culture becomes rotten, rancid and ruined.!”



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