Breaking News Hangover..!

By Robert Clements. Dated: 1/18/2019 3:54:57 PM

This may happen in the year 2020!
"There's something wrong!" I shouted, "There's something wrong!"
"What's wrong?" asked the wife, rushing to my side, then picking up the phone and dialing the hospital. "Doctor!" she shouted, "Send an ambulance!"
I snatched the phone from her, and shouted, "There's nothing wrong with me! I have been cheated, swindled, a fraud has taken place!"
"What fraud?" asked the wife, "you don't have money, so nobody could have robbed you, your car is ten years old, so nobody would want to take it away!"
"I have been cheated by the newspaper boy, where is he?"
"He just left on his cycle," said the wife.
"Call the watchman, tell the boy to come here immediately. I will not tolerate cheating."
The wife, called the watchman, who hurriedly called the newspaper delivery boy as he was just beginning to start off on his cycle.
The boy came to my house looking scared, "Sahib," he said, "if I have done anything wrong, please forgive me!"
"You have cheated me!" I said.
"No sahib," I have not. Last month you did not pay the bill, but I have added no interest, even when you did not pay last August I did not add interest!"
"You have cheated me, and I don't like being cheated.
"What has he done?" asked the wife, "I had no idea you had not paid him last August, what did you do with the money? Poor little fellow he climbs these stairs everyday and you don't pay his bills?"
"Listen," I said wearily, "That is not the point, this boy has cheated me today. He didn't give me my correct newspaper!"
"There it is husband right there in your hand!"
"Yes sir, that is today's newspaper!" said the newspaper boy brightening up.
"This is not the newspaper!"
"It is!" shouted the wife.
"It is!" whispered the boy.
"Open it and see," I said triumphantly as both of them scrambled and opened it, "Do you see what I am saying, don't you see, I have been cheated? Look at the news. Not a single rape, no robbery, no lynching, no journalist murdered, no scam in Delhi, no shooting on the border! You expect me to believe it is today's paper? I have been swindled, do you see what I am saying?"
The ambulance man was rough as he pushed me on to the stretcher, "Where are you taking me?" I asked. "To the psychiatrist ward," he said.
"What am I suffering from?" I asked the doctor.
"Breaking news syndrome!" he sighed, "After Rahul became PM, and there is no breaking news as there was before, people are growing hysterical..!"
bobsbanter@gmail.com

 

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