Why We Have No Debates in India..!

By Robert Clements. Dated: 3/13/2019 1:45:50 PM

With the kind of election tamasha that we have in our country, many of our esteemed citizens wonder why we do not have debates in our country like what they have in America with a moderator and both the candidates on either side, but I can imagine how such a debate will be:
Moderator: Where are both the candidates?"
Assistant: They are both with the cameraman sir. Candidate One is promising him a job with a government agency if he does not zoom in on the bald patch on his head and candidate two is slipping a two thousand rupee note into his hand to do so. Ah here they are sir."
Candidate One: I will take the left lectern because according to my Vastu guruji it will be bring me luck!
Candidate Two: My astrologer told me to stand on the left too because according to his astrological charts, the moon casts its shadow in another five minutes on the right.
I want the left.
I want the left
Moderator: "Gentlemen, gentlemen don't fight. You both may stand to my left. You may start sir.
Candidate Two: Why he should start? I am senior.
Candidate One: I am sitting MLA.
You will be sitting outside soon. My brother in law is Rahulji's close friend.
My cousin is Dawood bhai. He will call from Dubai and eliminate you.
Moderator: Gentlemen, gentlemen, this is a debate not a wrestling match. Please start.
Candidate One: Free electricity for everyone.
Candidate Two: Free water for slum dwellers.
Free food for everybody.
Free loans for all.
Moderator: Gentlemen, gentlemen what are you doing?
We are debating.
Moderator: What debate is this? The public will never be able to judge who is better if you don't debate issues!
Candidate One: I am better.
Candidate Two: I am better.
Moderator: But how will the voters know who is better?
Free electricity!
Free water!
Free food!
Free Loans!
Free bathrooms!
What free bathrooms, I will give free housing!
Moderator: Don't you both understand?
Candidate One: Understand what?
That the public has to judge you both?
"The public will judge sir," said the assistant to the moderator, "and like fools they will give their votes to the best liar!"
"Free electricity!"
"Free water..!"
"I think they should stick to jeers, sneers, jibes, surgical and air strikes!" said the moderator as she put off the lights. "We are not ready for debates yet..!"
bobsbanter@gmail.com

 

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