SRINAGAR: Nur Bibi’s (name changed) days are an endless loop of quiet monotony. The rising sun filters through cracks in the corrugated iron roof, casting a cold and unwelcome light on her threadbare cot. Mornings are spent coaxing a wisp of smoke from damp twigs, the meagre fire offering little warmth against the biting winter wind that pierces her thin shawl.
At 100, wrinkles map the terrain of her weathered face, each line etching a tale of solitude, her home, a dilapidated shed leaning against a crumbling stone wall is nestled amidst the towering mountains, in a village namely Lachipora, 60 kilometers away from north Kashmir’s District Baramulla along with the Line of Control.
Cocooned in the silence of lush green forests and high mountains, her days stretch into an emptiness only filled by the whisper of wind through the pines and the occasional chirp of a lonely bird.
“A recent study published in the Indian Journal of Psychiatry, examining the prevalence of loneliness among India’s elderly population, revealed that Jammu and Kashmir had the highest prevalence of loneliness among the elderly.”
She lives alone. Her voice chokes between sobs as she speaks. “My son built a new house and then left my husband and me alone in our old shed. Ten years ago, my husband passed after a prolonged illness,” she says, wiping away a tear, ” He was paralyzed, unable to move, and it was very difficult for me to take care for him alone. I was the only one who could do it. Since his death, I’ve been living alone in this shed ever since.”
Nur Bibi says, “even though I have a son and grandchildren, but this bring no solace. Their gaze passes through me like wind through leaves. It is the kindness of strangers that brings a touch of warmth and nourishes my withered soul.”
Her memories, however, are ablaze with life. She speaks of a time when the valley echoed with laughter, of bustling markets and children chasing kites under a vibrant blue sky. But the present is cast under a long shadow, she says. “I have health problems and I must deal with them on my own. My son rarely visits,” she adds.
Nur Bibi’s story is not an aberration. It is a narrative echoed in households across Kashmir, where isolation and neglect have become invisible companions for many elderly in their twilight years. Social stigma often prevents them from seeking help, leaving them to face the hardships and emotional toll of loneliness alone.
Prevalence of loneliness highest in J&K
A recent study (September 2023) published in the Indian Journal of Psychiatry, examining the prevalence of loneliness among India’s elderly population, revealed that Jammu and Kashmir had the highest prevalence of loneliness among the elderly. Jammu and Kashmir, deemed as a state for the purpose of the study, is listed below Andaman & Nicobar Islands, a Union territory, with the highest quotient of loneliness.
Out of 30,394 elderly included in the study from across India, 4076 elderly (i.e. 13.4%) reported frequent feeling of loneliness.
“Even though I have a son and grandchildren, but this bring no solace. Their gaze passes through me like wind through leaves. It is the kindness of strangers that brings a touch of warmth and nourishes my withered soul.” – Nur Bibi
Grim Kashmir scenario
Dr Zubair Saleem, a distinguished Senior Geriatric Consultant and Gerontologist Nodal Officer Geriatric Medicine, Kashmir Division paints a grim picture about the increasing prevalence of loneliness among the elderly in Kashmir.
He says, “Due to a lack of robust studies on the challenges faced by the elderly in Kashmir, we cannot provide precise data. However, based on the compilation of information from 30,000 senior citizen patients over five years, approximately half of them experience abuse in various forms.”
He further explains, “Additionally, a notable percentage of patients live in solitude due to neglect or abandonment by their children. Many seniors reside separately, even when their adult children live in the same city, and some have children residing outside the state.”
Dr Zubair says that “isolation in seniors is a complex and prevalent issue that significantly impacts their well-being. As individuals age, they may experience a variety of factors that contribute to social isolation and loneliness.”
Neglect and Abandonment
Dr Zubair says, “It is very unfortunate that one of the most significant factors contributing to social isolation among seniors in Kashmir is neglect and abandonment by their adult children.”
Some elderly persons feel the pangs of isolation even when their children stay with them but are too busy to spend time with them.
In the sun-dappled corner of his house, Mohd Ramzan Sheikh, a nonagenarian, listens to the soft hum of the radio. When the sun dips, casting long shadows across the empty room, he speaks of his son.
“He’s a businessman tethered to the relentless whirring of the city. He leaves before the rooster crows,” Sheikh says, his voice etched with a quiet understanding, and adds, “and returns when the moon paints the sky silver.”
Living in Sheerwani Pora in Boniyar, Mohd Ramzan Sheikh talks about his quiet and lonely life despite living with his family members. His son is the family’s sole breadwinner and is usually out working. His grandchildren are busy with school and studies, while his daughter-in-law manages the household chores. But with everyone preoccupied, Ramzan and his wife often feel the pangs of loneliness.”
Sheikh’s days are a blend of tapestry woven from solitude and quiet contentment. Though his steps are slower now, his mind remains as sharp as the crease running down the centre of his cotton kurta. Other than the radio, he finds solace in the rustling pages of well-loved books, each turn revealing a portal to bygone eras.
Like him, Jamna Begum (name changed), tries to find some relief in the nostalgia of a home filled with laughter. “Now it feels like the tomb of a lost company,” she says, as the story of her loneliness echoes in the dusty halls of an aging home.
“Based on the compilation of information from 30,000 senior citizen patients over five years, approximately half of them experience abuse in various forms.” – Dr Zubair Saleem
Jamna Begum lives in the remote Lachipora village in Boniyar with her husband and youngest son. Her two elder sons are away. Her eldest son works in the government department and he rarely visits the village. When he does, he goes straight to his new house where his wife and children live.
Her second son also lives away with his family. Now, her only hope is her youngest son, who is earning but enough to provide her basic necessities. “My two sons have no time for me,” she says, tightly clasping her weathered hands, and whispers with a sigh, “In our old house, it’s just me, my husband, and the memories.”
OTHER CAUSES
The other causes of isolation in seniors include physical ailments or chronic health conditions like arthritis that often limit seniors’ mobility, making it challenging to engage in family and social activities. As illness become part of daily life, the elderly people often find themselves trapped in their homes. The ailments build walls, not of brick and mortar, but of pain and fear, isolating them from the society.
He opines that “issues like arthritis or balance problems can restrict seniors’ ability to go out, affecting their social interactions.”
Dr Zubair lists brain drain among the youth as the most significant factor for loneliness among elderly. Other factors include generational and digital divide that leaves the elderly, not acquainted with technology, as invisible. He adds, “retirement, for many, becomes an unintended gateway to social isolation – a silent epidemic impacting mental and physical well-being. From losing daily interaction to navigating limited mobility, retirees face hurdles in rebuilding social networks, often leading to loneliness and its ripple effects.”
Limited access to public transport is another factor. Dr Zubair elaborates that “studies show a strong correlation between transportation barriers and social isolation among seniors. Difficulty reaching essential services, healthcare appointments, and cherished social activities leads to a decline in mental and physical health. Feelings of loneliness, depression, and anxiety can rise, impacting overall well-being. The limitations are multifaceted. Rural areas often lack efficient public transportation and leaving seniors stranded.”
Dr Zubair says that “The twilight years, often romanticized as a time of leisurely pursuits and wisdom, can mask a stark reality for many – a crushing loneliness is born from the loss of loved ones.”
The passing of spouses, friends, and siblings creates a hollowness that echoes deeply in the hearts of elderly.
Despite this reality, a glimmer of hope shines through as communities and families rally around their elders, offering solace, connection, and the promise that even in the absence of familiar voices, new friendships and shared moments can help them survive physically and emotionally.
Impact and Remedies
Dr Zubair said that “Isolation has far reaching consequences in seniors. Isolation is linked to an increased risk of depression, anxiety, and cognitive decline in seniors. Studies strongly suggest that isolation in seniors is one of the risk factors of Alzheimer’s disease. Seniors who experience social isolation may be at higher risk for various health issues, including diabetes, obesity, and cardiovascular problems. Loneliness can diminish overall life satisfaction and lead to a sense of purposelessness. Social isolation has been associated with a weakened immune response in seniors, making them more susceptible to illnesses.”
Dr Zubair explains that “senior Isolation can be addressed by establishing and promoting community programs that cater to seniors’ interests and can encourage social interaction. Teaching seniors to use technology can facilitate virtual connections with friends and family, especially if in-person interactions are limited. Providing accessible and affordable transportation options can enhance seniors’ ability to attend social events. Establishing Senior Centers and Clubs that offer a variety of activities can help combat isolation. Inter-generational bonding by connecting seniors with younger generations through open communication.”
He further underscores that “As one of the most significant factors contributing to social isolation among seniors in Kashmir is neglect and abandonment by their adult children. It is crucial to emphasise the importance of respecting and caring for parents. Involving them in decision-making at home, facilitating their social commitments, and addressing them with utmost respect and care are essential steps towards fostering meaningful connections and preventing social isolation among the elderly.”
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